Only to Penny
or: The Curious Appearance
of Saint Ruben at the Pancake Breakfast PLAY # 2

A short play on the theme: " Reason to Believe "

by Paul Shipp & K. Brian Neel 14/48 — January 5, 2008

© 2008 all rights reserved

CHARACTERS:

Reverend Mother Virginia

Sister Irene

Sister Penny

Ruben

In scene change, the band plays and sings a hymn:

Oh lord, most wonderful lord
Who watches over us
In our needs,
In our wants,
In our prayers
We Thank thee, Oπ Lord
For the blessings you grant us daily.
For the mere breadcrumbs
You allow us to indulge in,
The mud we toil in, day in, day out, in your name.
These alone give us reason to believe.

Lights up on the nuns, holding plates of pancakes. They join in on the final chorus:

Nuns: Amen
Hallelujah
Rejoice

The nuns enter the house and serve their plates through the next dialogue.

VIRGINIA: I hear your concerns about attendance, Sister Irene.

IRENE: Mother Sister, itπs just getting depressing. (counting the attendance) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ≥people.≤

VIRGINIA: 5 people or five hundred people, this is what Saint Rubenπs is all about.

They have arrived at their designated audience members.

All: (not in unison) Good morning, welcome to St. Rubens Pancake Breakfast. Enjoy your meal, may God be with you.

They return to the stage to make more pancakes.

VIRGINIA: This tradition has been around long before you and I.

IRENE: But every third Sunday of the month has become the most depressing Sunday of the month.

VIRGINIA: That is when we should be at our best, Sister Irene.

IRENE: But even the Mass numbers are down. And you know that father Keaneä

Sister Virginia shuts her up with a look.

IRENE: Iπm sorry Reverend Mother. I meant no disrespect to our pastor.

VIRGINIA: We all know heπs either at the golf course or betting on Notre Dame. Letπs move on, shall we. Sister Penny, are you dawdling?

Sister Penny has been dallying in the audience.

PENNY: I dropped a pancake, Reverend Mother.

VIRGINIA: The lord doesnπt look fondly on waste, Sister Penny. Clean your mess and come to the griddle, please.

Joining the others, Penny confesses to Irene in a hushed manner:

PENNY: I served the dropped cake. Should I tell Mother?

IRENE: Girl...

The three have some business with the grill.

IRENE: Sister Mother, youπre always telling us to be our best, yet you refuse me my strengths and passions. I know that we could increase attendance if you took some of my suggestions to heart.

A homeless man—Ruben enters and sits at on the other side of the stage.

VIRGINIA: Itπs a risk, Sister Irene.

Penny notices Ruben and takes him pancakes.

IRENE: To switch it up—one month have a waffle breakfast, one month French toast. Latkes. We can bring in other faiths. Cross-pollination just by serving latkes.

PENNY: Hash browns would be nice.

Penny reaches Ruben.

PENNY: Sir. Here are some pancakes for you. I put a little bit of syrup on them. Thereπs more on the table. I could get it for you if you want more. Sister Irene says I put too much on mine, but I like sweet foods.

RUBEN: Hello Penny. My name is Saint Ruben. When I was six, my palms bled with stigmata. At sixteen the Virgin Mary appeared to me the first time while working the harvest in the Gaston fields. From then on I cured sick friends at my orphanage. I grew older and went on a sojourn to heal lepers in the Moor colonies. I toiled there for many years. And then through a vision of Christ, I tried to lead a revolt and bring freedom from the abuses of the aristocracy. I was drawn and quartered by a drunken French battalion.

PENNY: That sounds awful. Iπm sorry.

RUBEN: Thank you, Penny.

PENNY: This church is Saint Rubenπs. Is that you?

RUBEN: Yes.

PENNY: This is your pancake breakfast?

RUBEN: In a way.

PENNY: These are cold now. Iπllä goä away.

Cross fade back to the griddle.

IRENE: ä The key to a good hollandaise sauce is the exact proportion of Tabasco, and not too much tarragon vinegar. And a drop of sherry.

VIRGINIA: We donπt have the kitchen or staff to serve eggs benedict.

IRENE: Well, technically we donπt even have the proper licenses to serve this.

VIRGINIA: There are other ways than food to burgeon the flock, Sister.

IRENE: Bingo. Bingo is good. The Indians have done well with bingo.

PENNY: Sister Mother?

VIRGINIA: Yes, Sister Penny.

Penny doesnπt respond.

VIRGINIA: Do you need something?

She notices the pancakes in her hand, and the man without food.

VIRGINIA: Didnπt you serve that man over there?

PENNY: Who is Saint Ruben?

VIRGINIA: Dear lord, childä I donπt rememberä he cured lepers, I believe. Had visions of the lord, Iπm sure. Standard Vatican prerequisites. He was a Saint.

PENNY: Is that him?

Virginia and Irene are dumbfounded. They look at penny. They look at the man. Reverend Mother takes over:

VIRGINIA: Why do you ask this, Sister Penny?

PENNY: He told me he was Saint Ruben.

VIRGINIA: Come with me, Sister.

Penny puts down the plate of pancakes and follows Virginia to Ruben.

VIRGINIA: Good morning sir.

RUBEN: Canπt a guy get something to eat in this joint? Thought this was a pancake breakfast, not a prayer meeting.

VIRGINIA: Iπm sorry sir. Weπll bring you a stack shortly.

The nuns leave him.

RUBEN: Not too much syrup. I got an abscessed cavity. Hurts like a motherfucker.

VIRGINIA: Sir! One more foul wordä

RUBEN: Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Back at the griddle:

VIRGINIA: Penny? Why do you think heπs a saint?

PENNY: He told me.

IRENE: Hey! That could work. We can announce that weπve had a vision of our patron saint. Attendance will jump to heaven. Oh come on, itπs not like all those Mexican restaurants where they burn tortillas in the image of Christ. Or that cheese sandwich on ebayä

VIRGINIA: Enough you two. Penny, take this to that man.

Penny takes a deep breath, turns, walks gingerly to the man.

VIRGINIA: (to Irene) What about a drama? I studied drama before I got thee to a nunnery. (chuckle) We could do the Passion Play at Easter. Shakespeare in the Summer!

Penny reaches Ruben.

RUBEN: I have something to give you, Penny. Only you.

Penny runs back to the nuns. Virginia is acting out a scene from King Lear.

VIRGINIA: I prithee, daughter, do not make me mad:
I will not trouble thee, my child; Farewell.
Weπll no more meet, no more see one another:
But yet thou art my flesh, my blood, my daughter;
Or rather a disease thatπs in my flesh,
Which I must needs call mine: thou art a boil.

Victoria breaks away.

VIRGINIA: Sister Penny! Why wonπt you feed that man?

IRENE: Give it to me, Iπll do it.

Irene takes the plate and goes to Ruben.

RUBEN: Why wonπt she bring me pancakes?

IRENE: These are nice and hot.

RUBEN: I want her to bring me pancakes. Something wrong with me.

IRENE: Just take them, please.

RUBEN: Iπm not taking them from you. Iπm not taking em. Iπm not taking em.

Irene goes back.

VIRGINIA: Thatπs it. Iπm calling the police.

PENNY: No. Reverend Mother, Iπll just take them to him.

VIRGINIA: Are you sure?

Penny takes the cakes from Irene and walks deliberately to the man.

PENNY: Here are your cakes.

RUBEN: Beholdä

He stands and raises his hand to her forehead. Though his speech, she kneels before him.

RUBEN: I give you a vision of your future: You will bring great joy and great comfort. Divine contentment will be sought through you. And you will be the answer. There will also be anger and contempt from others. There will be great danger. Lives will be lost. But many souls will be gained. This place will gather many people seeking you, Penny. This is our gift to you.

Ruben kneels with her, forehead to forehead.

Penny rises.

PENNY: No.

Ruben rises.

RUBEN: I donπt want your fucking pancakes!

Ruben leaves. Penny slowly turns to the other Sisters, but stays in this place.

VIRGINIA: Sister Penny. Are you allright?

IRENE: Should we call the police?

PENNY: No. Iπm fine.

She steps into the audience and offer the cakes to someone.

PENNY: Good morning, welcome to St. Rubens Pancake Breakfast. Enjoy your meal, may God be with you.

Blackout.